Dispatches from the Bridge: Remember Me

Hey everybody, it's Angel Truffles! It sure feels good to be back...have you missed me?

I need to start out by apologizing for leaving so suddenly. I was needed here at the Rainbow Bridge so quickly there just wasn't any time to say good-bye. You've all been such dear friends to Mommy and me and it seems so unfair.

So what happened? That's a really good question and I'm going to try to explain.

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Over the 4th of July weekend Mommy was getting concerned because I seemed to breathing a little heavier than usual. But I was eating and pottying and doing everything else normal, plus it's been really hot and I had a couple hairball hacking sessions (with nothing to show for it), so she decided to keep a very close eye on me but was thinking a vet visit would soon be in order. I figured she was just being a worry wart like mommies tend to be.

Never in a million years would we have guessed what was yet to come...

On the evening of the 6th I jumped up into my screened-in bathroom window and took a long nap, then around 9:45 I came out to visit Mommy on the couch. She offered me a snack but I wasn't interested. Then it all happened. I started feeling really uncomfortable, moving from spot to spot on the rug, unable to find relief. I got up and ran for the bathroom crying, which I normally did when I felt a hairball coming, so Mommy was relieved that it might be coming out. I just laid down again and then headed for the kitchen floor.

That's when it got really bad. I started writhing all over and then had to open my mouth to gasp for breath. I was screaming a lot too. That's when Mommy knew we needed help. I got up to head for another room but my back legs went out from under me and I couldn't walk.

Thank Cod for my grandpa because Mommy was in no condition to drive. She stayed with me in the back seat of the car trying to comfort me and telling me everything was going to be alright and she wasn't going to leave me.

When we finally got to the emergency vet it was packed with patients, but when Mommy yelled that I couldn't breathe a vet standing there grabbed my carrier and ran out back with me. After filling out some paperwork Mommy was brought to a room where she could still hear me screaming.

The vet came in and asked my name. When Mommy told her she thought it was really cute. She explained that my back legs were cold, and a test of my blood sugar showed a big difference between my front and back legs. This told her that I had a blood clot that broke off and cut off the blood supply to my back legs, a saddle thrombus. She said I was in extreme pain and the kindest thing would be to let me go, because even if I survived the chances were very high that it would happen again.

How do you ask a Mommy to make a decision like that? Knowing she would never be able to live with herself if I had even the slightest chance, the choice was made to put me on powerful pain medication, blood thinners, and time in the oxygen cage. If I was stable in the morning an echocardiogram and further testing would be done. Mommy was allowed to visit me in the back room where the oxygen cage was located in order to say good night. She looked so scared and sad and I didn't know how to protect her because I was terrified too.

Once home Mommy started googling my condition to try to learn everything she could about it. She hadn't been home a half hour when her cell phone rang. It was the vet saying my pain meds had already worn off and I was screaming again, gasping for breath. She didn't even dare take me out of the oxygen cage to evaluate me. Mommy knew what had to be done. She had to be strong enough for both of us and let me go. She asked the vet to do what she could for me until she got back there so she could comfort me one last time.

Again grandpa drove her to the emergency vet, which took even longer this time because it was now after midnight and they got stuck behind some trucks re-painting the highway lines. As soon as they arrived CPR was stopped and I was already gone. Mommy was assured that it was definitely "my time"...nothing could have been done to save me. The vet closed us in a private room and Mommy cried over my body for the longest time.

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It's beautiful here at the Bridge, but it scares me to see Mommy crying so much. It was my job to comfort her and I feel like I let her down. I want to thank all of you SO much for the outpouring of love that you've showered her with. I think this would be even more unbearable for her without it.

You know who the first kitty was to greet me at the Bridge? TARA!!! She is such a sweet lady and she's taking really good care of me. Tara sent me to Mommy after she passed away just two short years ago, and neither one of us can understand why we're up here together and once again Mommy has been left alone with a shattered heart. I don't feel sorry for myself. She gave me more love in the short time we had together than many kitties ever receive in a lifetime. But it breaks my heart to see her in so much pain.

We've decided to join forces on a super special project to find a new kitty for her to love. Whoever we choose will be so, so lucky. I'm not going anywhere...I will live forever in her heart, and I will always be right by her side, but she still has many kitties left to save until the day we're reunited here at the Bridge.

I'll still be a regular fixture here on our blog too. I inherited it from Tara, and someone else will inherit it from me, but we are all Mommy's inspiration, and for as long as she writes about cats, we will all be a part of everything she does.